Lonely and bored. Am I allowed to play Dance Dance Revolution by myself?
I could write a book called "things that come out of my vagina"
I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
Have $25 to my name but it's $2 pitchers. I have no choice but to go.
She was wearing a shirt that said "Just Do Me", holding a half of a bottle of Vodka, and was screaming at her friends "PUSSY JUST SWALLOW!" before she chugged the rest of the bottle.
Dude, if you don't take her, I will.
No one even knew you were hurt until we saw the multiple cuts to prove it, and when we asked what happened all you could say was "I fell out"
God my Facebook chat is a graveyard of old blowjobz
The cops are here to take me to jail, so I guess I have to go with them. If I'm not out by 6 p.m., there is some left-over lasagna in the fridge for you.
Yeah. I don't think I have anything left in me tho. I think I was throwing up tangible memories at one point.
Apparently coming home smelling like I took a bath in beer is frowned upon in this household. I'm so glad I don't actually live here.
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
Dad just asked me to breathalyze grandma
Had to decide between a hook up at the train restroom or getting to work on time #growingup
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
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