I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
She really thought E.D. was a sexually position.
I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat
You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
So watch family guy till our brains melt and then bang till our bodies hurt?
You stood outside his house all night throwing your sister's leftover Easter eggs and singing 'now you're just somebody that I used to blow'
so gross sitting on a warm chair at a restaurant..you just know a fat person was sitting there shoveling food into their face for hours.
He just took a bite of each taco bell burrito and hid them throughout my apartment. this was 2 weeks ago and have found 30 burritos so far
Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
Sadly, she's the porn star that got away
I slept naked with a towel wrapped around my waist in case I pissed the bed again
There has been a song made about you fucking his roommate.
It's destiny.
I would professionally fuck the shit out of her
Had to clear my browser history. I figured if she used the search bar and her name came up, it might be a little creepy.
Randomize
