everyone made a circle around them and startd chanting fight fight. they wernt fighting, they were dry humping
We had like 4 guys come over and buy us all drinks as an excuse to hit on Kendra. Hanging out with her is now officially fiscally responsible.
Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
I just saw the list where the U.S. doesn't even rank in the top 10 in drinking countries. I know its Tuesday but....its for America
I can'nr wwn explain this nihght . So amnt dixks. Shitttttt.
Like I had no idea he knew how to play girls the way he played me. His major is chemistry for christ's sake.
Ok but if you die you have to get "I should've listened to Mike" carved into your tombstone
They're doing shots to celebrate every 15 minutes passing. You can come get them.
You know you're hung-over when you're smoking and have the strong urge to eat the cigarette. No more buckets of gin. No. More. Ever.
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
I started singing I believe I can fly in the shower and it was like the first stage of insanity
I hope a pyrotechnic goes off in your asshole and seals it shut for life.
Me too.
Randomize
