pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
Is it weird that I have contacts who i've classified as DO NOT ANSWER?
Lol no its called college
When my girlfriend drinks sangria it's like winning the vagina lottery
I haven't even gone in yet. I'm sitting in the waiting room playing a game i like to call "Who else is here for AA".
you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
I wish there was a non slutty way to ask the guys across the hall if i can copy their men's bathroom key so I have one for my one night stands
Paying 5 grand for boobs is saving me like 10 grand in weed
Exactly. Because my vagina can't be consoled with words. It requires a thicker form of communication
Last night we looked at each other with an expression of "fuck I am so done being normal", took off our shirts, and danced around in our bras
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
I spilled beer everywhere which led to an oil fire and me melting a spatula again. And then I was late to class so I explained what happened to the teacher.
he said "be careful" then handed me a cheezit...
Uh do you have my pants because I have yours
I'm pretty sure that's why we have such good sex because we are secretly trying to kill each other
Mom kept me on a leash as a kid, did you know this?
When she went in the beer store I got to hold it.
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