i'm forgoing the post-coitus cuddling sesh to ask u this :when he says he loves me and all i can think to say is either "cool" or "i love boning you," what do i do?
I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
he is so annoying
so stop sleeping with him
yeah but he is so hot when i'm drunk
he got up in front of the whole lecture hall and yelled that Charlie Brown's Christmas tree was his favorite book in the history of the universe. then he stumbled out the fire exit setting the alarm off. I could've jumped him right then and there.
just bought a $25 eighth from a chick who has a kid. i'm helping my community out right?
I just woke up with streamers wrapped around me. Glitter in my hair. My fish are swimming in empty bottles of Barcardi. Helpppp
It was an awkward 3some. I took her from behind while he just made out with her.
You missed a lot. I drank contact solution thinking it was water, vodka thinking it was water and some unidentified substance that reminded me of pine sol thinking it was water..
You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell
Nope. If I'm going to drive an hour to fuck a teacher, it will NOT be missionary thats for damn sure.
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
This is like the best thing that's ever happened to us. We're getting paid to sit around get high and eat. There is a Jesus
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
Maybe for you. You don't have to clean the melted butter off the stove. I LOST THE SPECIAL SEASONINGS.
Randomize
