dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
She made me add her as a friend on fb before she got into my bed... I sense a stalker
I woke up this morning with my hair wrecked, a split lip, and an "H" on my right knee and a "I!" on my other knee.
I'm pretty sure blacking out is a coping mechanism.
As I sit on the toilet at 4 am I realize tonight could have gone a lot better
OK am i seriously the only one who thinks Cocaine Tuesdays is a bad idea?
There's 50 people in our house, none of them are wearing shirts. The keg has been relocated twice and our bathroom door is missing again...when will we ever learn?
Jail is not for me. They portion control your meals and I don't really like that.
Im gonna wear a random assortment of things for Halloween, guy with the most creative answer gets laid
Twice. I only peed my pants twice tonight.
Brb crying the tears of my youth
Crying while listening to Miley Cyrus. BE GLAD YOU JUMPED THIS SINKING SHIP!
All this studying of HIV makes me want to have sex with you.
I've had more sex since the twins moved in than I'd had in the previous four years. They are the best wingman ever.
Randomize
