I am apparently in rockville maryland. I just threw up my tater tots I had fro brunch in a safeway parking lot. Then ordered a pizza. Pepperoni and pineapple. I'm sitting in the parking lot, next to my barf, waiting for my pizza. WOOF. Someone just gave me an oxycontin tab. Can u come get me? I'm scared
I don't make mistakes...just understandable bad choices.
Bring it all. We will have a potluck of drugs. It will be magical.
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
Russian roulette. Between salvia and weed. You in?
FUCK YOU MAN
I'm like a savant for remembering names I learned while I was drunk. Seriously, I'm three for three. I'm on a roll.
No later than 4:00 ok - I'm tying my viagra high into a superbowl halftime showstopper. Ya, you might wanna look away for that
List 10 things your GF won't do for you, and we can work through that list.
I'm fucking a man old enough to be my father who is also dating my boss. What have you done with your life?
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
Broken leg sex is fun because I just get to lay there
I'm trying to drink up the confidence to run in public.
I was so high I just stared at the papa john's app on my phone and cried
If we're going to communicate going forward, you'll need to be versed in Gillian Anderson.
He bought me a bottle of Malibu. I think I could love this guy.
I've loved people for a lot less.
Randomize
