they just came back. i guess "were gonna go get dinner" means "were gonna fuck for 5 minutes at the little league field"
Hilbilly word of the day is cedar, example....I knowed she ain\'t got no panties on cuz I cedar cooter.
Did you put 9lbs of birdseed all over my car?
You weighed it?
I kind of had a moment like that kid whose mom cancelled his WoW subscription, except I didn't try to shove a remote control up my own ass.
my last 3 google searches were anal itchy vagina and ice cubes
Judging by what she did last night, I would say at least 4 of them have mono now.
Just watered mom's plants with leftover mixed drinks full of Bacardi Silver. I'm such a good daughter.
It was awful. Mid hookup he started reading the titles of the books over my bed, which were about Russian imperial history. He then started asking me questions about the class I was reading the books for. I was like "WE HAVE TIME FOR THAT LATER, PLEASE CONTINUE."
There's a man in a pumpkin/reaper outfit advertising a new head shop outside the Taco Bell. I love this town.
While you were hooking up with her I pulled you off to make sure you knew what you were doing.
You said you were "testing the product for Chris."
I'm a bad man.
I'm not sending you pictures to jack off to. That's not what friends do
Apparently I send drunk snapchats a lot and they always have random dudes in them. Like one night it was just me and some guy I don't know sitting on my couch.
Man I can't wait till Thursday if strippers and beer are what you consider "research"
ever since I turned 21 the mother-daughter bonding sessions always end with whiskey and my little pony. I don't know why, it's just a thing that happens
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
Randomize
