apparently smacking a customer in the face with his iPhone was not part of the WOW factor we learned in training...
"reccomended dose" hasn't been in my vocabulary for quite some time.
You told him that your vagina was the "King Crab" of all vagina's.
You can't possibly imagine how much I miss you. At least I'll always have that hidden folder in my computer.
This is the minute she broke up with me. If you're receiving this mass text, you are one for the girls who made me promise to text you at this point.
Thanks to you and Ketel One I now have a court summons with the actual word "frolicking" on it.
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
The band last night was really good
That was definitely karaoke. Guess that answers my follow up question on how drunk you were.
I'm resourceful. I forgot we don't have coca cola so now I'm drinking Jack & Dew or Mountain Daniels. Also, I haven't decided on an official name yet for this drink. I'm leaning toward Jack & Dew
I DESERVE A BEADED TATTOOED MAN I'VE WANTED ONE FOR SO LONG
BEARDED TATTOOED MEN ARE PEOPLE AND NOT THINGS TO BE GIVEN FREELY
Driving, getting head and talking to your boss on the phone is not a good combination. I nearly died
i feel as though me waking up and asking her if i went to the hospital was a sign that i was not okay
What made you think singing Silent Night while I was puking was a good idea?!?!
Just found a note on the bed that said "Dear mittens, had to leave early I'll be back soon."
WTF? Are you mittens?
I stole $10 from the guy I hooked up with last night.Not sure why but it was definitely more satisfying.
Randomize
