and she's shaped like a lego person so that's not happening
nobody is as good of a wingman as me. i make whoever im with look like mark wahlberg during his underwear model phase
He's paying me $45 to clean his room and $55 if i find the oxy that he lost.
Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
Yes perhaps we are both wrong. And did you call me bj girl?
I'm not sure which one did it but one of them fucked the kink out of my neck
I have invented a new sport: freshman-watching. I'm sitting on our porch literally dying watching the freshmen run around trying to find parties
WHYAREWHITEGUYSSOBADINBED?! What the fuck went wrong, evolution?
How much morphine is too much? Keep in mind that I'm going to my graduation dinner with my parents.
So wait. Let me get this straight lol... you... are are considering offering fetish services to "trample and own" someone for $80 in order to pay for someone to come organize ur shit? Pure genius.
Step 1: chug a red bull vodka with no ice Step 2: chase that with a shot of wild turkey Step 3: chase that with a shot of tequila
Step 4: your drunk
Would it be weird to bake him a cake that says "sorry I peed on your bed"?
Had to admit my broken elbow was caused by vodka, not hockey
I was giving him head and he slipped one of those hats with propellors on top on my head.
Randomize
