ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
is it bad that the first thing i do when i get downstairs is go on farm town?
We're so high we're finding things in the room to build a submarine with. So far we have two cardboard boxes, a piece of wood, puffy paint, and an empty bottle to use as a periscope.
My favorite part was when he stopped, looked up in the middle of performing oral sex and asked, "you did know it was Arbor Day, right?"
Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
But i don't feel like talking to him right now. I woke up an hour ago to a picture of his penis and I AM NOT A MORNING PERSON.
Told some chick I'm a virgin, on my way to her house as I type this. Debating crying afterwards to fuck with her head.
BRING ME THE PLAN B. ILL GIVE YOU A FREE WATER BOTTLE AND A BUMPER STICKER AND SOME BACON BITS
In other news I may have fractured my masturbating arm
At least it wasn't your drinking arm
When in doubt, it's too much cheese
I got my nipples pierced. If you haven't seen my boobs in the past week, you're among the minority
at first i said "no rollerblading if I'm going to be drunk," but we all know how that went
That awkward moment when you realize that last night you walked from in n out to petco, bought a mouse for $3, named it mogar, taught it how to skateboard on a techdeck, made it a home out of a trash can, fed it fruity pebbles and cheese, and then forgot where you left it.
My fuck buddy and I talked about Amelia Bedilia for ten minutes before having sex. I think I'm in love.
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