I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
Want to come to my BBQ and Blow party?
For future reference, a lint roller appears to be the easiest way to get glitter out of a beard.
he urdandictionary'ed 'tease' on his phone and made me read through all the definitions. Am i really that bad?
You slept in the bed with him... with your top off.... and just made out with him....
If I come back covered in mud topless and banging on your door, please have a warm towel ready for me
Well... He is a good looking man underneath all the fat and muff.
Just saw a drunk bitch in the west village peeing on a car. You are not alone.
I WISH WE COULD PLAY THE DRINKING GAME TOGETHER AND THEN BANG FOR AMERICA.
Hit a new low. I'm FB stalking him while he is lying in bed sleeping naked next to me. He fell asleep with FB still open and unlocked on his iPad.
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
After the first time we had sex he kept saying "I'm proud of you" over and over again
I balled in the shower for 20 minutes, rolled up to the meeting late looking like a gremlin, and my one night stand was standing there in a suit
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