tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
Mike is so stoned. I just heard him quietly mutter to himself "rock a piss" as he walked down the hall to the bathroom
For the record we tried to find 4th of july porn. Did not turn out well.
I'd have paid money to see Cookie Monster playing with a vibrator
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
Just bought a colored water bottle so my classmates can be so judgemental when I bring beer to class.
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
Too bad I can't un-pee in his body wash
That was the night I realized I need to grow up and stop eating mushrooms with strange 40 year old men in convertibles.
I learned so much in Pittsburgh
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
I just dominated some guy while wearing your moms thong
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
how do i say "cradle the balls" in Italian
just saw a girl run into an automatic sliding door, back up and try again
Randomize
