Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
So I hogged the stall at Denny's for so long that a little kid shit his pants and ran crying to his mother. Am I a terrible person for this being the proudest moment of my life?
Do you still like to have your hair pulled?
No, I never liked having my hair pulled. I think you have me confused.
craigslist faux pas number 857, just got head in a disability bus.
high. he's playing 'oops i did it again' on the ukelele. is this real life?
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
scream really loud. we think you crawled under the deck
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
Was in the middle of a keg stand, the frat guys dropped me, and I broke my nose. My mom didn't enjoy that call from the hospital.
I dont even think your gonna like what I got you for christmas. If not we can take it back and get drugs.
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
So heartbroken my rebound has a rebound
Kyle passed out in the tub after breaking a glass and shouting, "WHAT ASSHOLE GAVE ME A GLASS?" His girlfriend gave it to him...
Since moving to the suburbs, all I do is fuck my ex and watch cartoons. It's not so bad.
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
Randomize
