If last night was a website it would be called poordecisions.com OR uncircumcisedspanishweiner.org
in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
I have a broken liver
I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.
If you're receiving this text it's probably because I drunkenly flashed you on Saturday. Sorry for forcing you to look at my tits. That was uncalled for.
Shut the fuck up. It's not the end of the world. Now come get your asshole bleached with me or we're not roommates anymore.
Well you were hungry, by then you cried and called yourself a basic bitch for eating crackers
Trust no bitch in laser tag. Not a single one.
The problem is that you are trying to hold on to some dignity. Let it go. I hope your rash gets better.
Idk what y'all are doing but I just want you to know I'm home and if I hear him say "slap it" one more time I'm moving out
He's a cop. Do you know how many times I've said fuck the police? This is my chance. I'm taking it.
sexting just seems like too much work right now.
Give me one good reason why I should go with you.
Free beer.
..pick me up at 8.
He's honking my boob in his sleep
It's innocent and endearing in some way
the bucket list is making me question my morals...and sexuality
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