I kind of feel like guidos are mythical creatures.
I told him we can only be friends from now on & he said he knows but that I'm the 'best he ever had'.
you slept with him again didn't you
you can't just quote Drake AND compliment me at the same time & receive nothin. he knows me too well
She only remembers me when she's drunk. It's like I'm a suppressed memory that only surfaces with alcohol.
Beer lympzucs are ki7lling me
Pretty sure I can show you the text you sent me stating some interest in my penis entering your mouth if said circumstances were met.
True life. I have to get a nose job due to a deviated septum from blowing coke. Thank you college.
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
Do you have any pics of the gummy penis incident?
It was like an ecstasy filled massage for my vagina.
That's the best compliment I have ever received.
We've only been here for 15 hours and our names are already on 2 separate police reports. We've also been given our "final warning" by the cops and hotel management.
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
Ugh. I need to go to the store, but I'm too lazy. Whatever shall I do? That girls still passed out. I should steal her car
We were high and the scary movies were scaring us too bad. Were all watching porn instead now
How are they?
Amazing! These new boobs are going to break blouse buttons and wedding vows!
Randomize
