dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
She's a Laker fan, her sister is a Celtic fan... no matter who wins I'm getting a celebration bj from one of them!
85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
I heard from anne today. She has a broken collarbone and is knocked up. Apparently florida is awesome
the elusive kegmastree, who's mystery is only exceeded by it's power
Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
Well if were past the bullshitting stage yes if not then no I'm not that kind of guy
hes fine. but he did fall asleep while tebowing and started snoring
Ran into him again last night, stole his glowstick and walked away. The glowstick mountain in my room keeps growing.
Official reason: I couldn't get time off. The real reason: last Xmas nearly ended in alcohol poisoning to prevent me from screaming like a velociraptor
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
When ur uncle gives you free weed, you take it
You're supposed to discourage my sluttiness not bring me hot Colombian men
Flight got cancelled. Stayed in the same hotel as the flight crew so now I can cross Sex with Pilot off the bucket list
He regularly flies into DC, so I’m going to sign him up for my Frequent Flyer program!
Randomize
