oh wait, my morality sensor is a little fucked up since I almost let my little sister's friend blow me.
I love watching others lives come down to our level.
It was unlikely that the relationship was going to end with anything other than antibiotics.
We got the idea to smoke under his bed because, and I quote, "it'd be just like going camping"
There were slices of bread pasted to the wall with peanut butter this morning. I don't want to know
Good news. Isn't krabs. Bad news. Not sure what it is. Worse news. Encouraged not to fuck till known. Great news getting laid tonight
Indoor beer darts at Rafs just turned into a trust exercise of putting your hand on the wall and closing your eyes while the other throws.. Almost gave Cale a Tracheotomy
He kissed my hand AND my forehead. I don't think this virginity business is for heartless whores like us.
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
If Boring and Monotone had a love child, it would be this guy.
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
We had sex to Hey Arnold, Rugrats, and All That. I feel like my life has come full circle.
Just ordered a pregnancy test off amazon. Fuck 2019
MASS TEXT: Next weekend I will be in town for St. Patty's day. There will be a bonfire and liqour olympics. We will have booze but in order to participate it is byob. Upon arrival everyone will be asked to sign a waiver. I am not responsible for liver failure, death, loss of clothing or memory, bites, scratches, hickies, pregnancies, or any other for of injury you may obtain while participating. There will be ridiculous amounts of green glitter, be prepared to puke it up. ALSO WEAR SOMETHING GREEN OR YOU WILL BE PENALIZED!! AUTOMATIC 5 SHOTS. HAPPY GAMING!!!
Dear god my vagina.
Randomize
