I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
Im in Brooklyn, he wasnt 23 or a musician pick me up
Come over? It's my birthday
How many times has that text failed you tonight?
i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
All I remember was yelling at him, "Its becasue of people like you that it took us so long to get to the moon!"
That's why they call him "the cheesegrater".
He wants a "vagina fling" before he commits to dick for life. I'm gonna allow it.
Pissed along side the highway while waving at all the traffic... if thats not a sign of a productive night to come then idk what is
Omg, you would have loved the guy I almost hit with my car tonight
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
I think the exact words were 'I'd lett him to the weirdest shit to me'
lets do drugs on my lunch break tomorrow
As I was balls deep, she moaned "i can't wait to see what how hot our daughter will be". Instant de-boner
FML I accidentally sent the text about his bruised balls as a group text that included his brother and my boss.
Just found a rebirth in peppermint schnapps. May be able to stay up all night and finish this paper after all. MERRY CHRISTMAS
Randomize
