Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
In the car with my brother. His CD went from 2pac to Taylor Swift. I'm concerned. It wasn't a mistake, he knows all the words.
how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
He did not want a thank you for helping me move in bj. I don't know how to thank him now.
i was just offered a 40 day sex challenge. prepare for the best 40 days of your life.
oh. my. god. yes.
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
They knew I had a party because the refrigerator settings were different, but they don't notice that we installed a new toilet seat so it's okay.
This girl looks like an elf and is obviously on coke. I want to be her.
Let me rub your butt and eat French fries from your mouth and dip them in your ketchup filled belly button.
I'm excited for him and his new girlfriend. I'm just going to miss his penis is what I'm saying.
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again
Looks like it rained condoms in my room last night
A condom just fell out of me. Happy Tuesday.
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
Randomize
