no, he's only a walking dick if he mans up. right about now he's just a walking transgender.
They were so slutty we had to play "rarely have I ever."
She handed me a mouthguard and said "here, you're going to need this" that rough.
We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
Dont worry about the blood on the pillow. its from my face.
We started telling people we were married, and then we hooked up on a park bench
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
The "don't have sex with him again" alerts you set on my phone just started going off.
Good. "Seriously, don't do it" should start in about five minutes.
Proudest moment of my life. Just watched a guy walk into the side of a car because I winked at him. Love these yoga pants and my hair. Fuck yes. His mouth was hanging open.
He offered me a trade. He'll come sober to my parents 25th anniversary dinner if I let him tie me up for an hour.
Update. bondage is a lot harder than it looks.
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
Checked my bank account this morning...apparently I went to 7-11 at 4am and spent $22 on taquitos. New all time low for me.
I ate all of them. New all time low for ME.
You've reached your one pic per night limit. To increase your limit, start conversations before 9 and submit your request for an additional pic before 10.
there are LEGIT cum stains on my ceilling. ON THE CEILLING!! you tell me how the relationship was.
It may be a corded vibrator from the 90s but it gets the job DONE
Randomize
