last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
So right when I was pulling her underwear off with my teeth, she told me, "Stick your penis in my 'nanners." Needless to say, there was no penis-'nanner interaction.
Just got laid for the first time in 3 yrs, 10 mo, 1 wk & 2 days. YESSSS.
we were so desperate we resorted to lego blocks. nuff said.
I tried to bribe him with road head and his toothbrush.
But hes like a baby bird with a broken wing that i want to FUCK.
I think it says something about my life when I start picking up girls while im in rehab. And I don't think it's good.
He just stared into my eyes and touched himself. That isn't hooking up.
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
Would you consider masturbating to Hocus Pocus an adulthood high or low?
So apparently last night while I was drunk I read him erotic fanfiction while he was eating me out. He stopped every now and then to give me feedback.
What am I doing? I'm usually only attracted to horrible people.
i said cake fell into my bra, you stood up and yelled "Im coming soldier", leaped acrossed the couch and started motorboating my boobs. i would have been cool with it if your mom didnt keep calling me the "lesbiainizer"
Trying to figure out these fractions. I bought 5 fifths of gin last week. Does that mean I have one whole gin? 5/5 = 1, right? You're having to homeschool your kids right now--so ask them.
Randomize
