i just ordered a pitcher of margaritas for me and a friend but she called and canceled. oh well, looks like im getting trashed alone.
the waiter who hardly speaks english told me "i go get your medicine now"
this medicine is soooo good.
ParTy fuckkin suckkkks bro I gotta fid sum biTch 2 leT me fire sum loadz on her FACE!
?
Nah, but can you imagine if I were seriously like that?
I just want to hang out with her.
You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.
i study at coffee shops because all these damn artsy people motivate me to work towards a real job.
I've come to realize time passes slowest when I'm sitting in class, waiting for microwavable foods, working out, & giving head.
God you better not be texting me after just having sex with someone from craigslist
now you know why we've never bought a 12 pack of king cobras before.
Jesus just hopped over the fence with a rack of coors. How's your Halloween?
if i got ashes i think they'd burn a hole into my head with the amount of sins i've committed this year alone and it's only february
He was having a "party in the princess castle." At what point do I blindfold him and take him to AA?
Day drinking straight vodka out of a Mountain Dew can being towed behind a kayak on a raft. And no, there is no time difference, it really is 10 am.
Would it be weird to jack off in the hospital?
DID YOU DO SOMETHING WITH THE DEAD ROACH IN THE KITCHEN? OR DID IT LAZARUS?
I think we need to stage a munchie intervention for Ben. I just watched him use a tortilla as a potholder to dump water out of his ramen.
rock bottom is drinking straight vodka from a protein shaker, singing one direction and crying alone in your room. exams.
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