no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
I wanna tell red shirt guy I'm pregnant and use the abortion money for Coachella.
I'm not sure what's more surprising, the fact that she said I reminded her of Danny Devito, or the fact that it got me laid.
my summer class's final was canceled bc it interfered with the world cup. he is giving us all A's on it. I love europe
After he told me that it's up to him to carry on his family name, I almost felt bad for not letting him cum inside me.
Have you ever wondered what your stripper song would be?
This girl would not stay down. It was like night of the living dead. She kept on rising up to haunt anything with a penis
Well if my looks don't work with her I'll eat the 50 nuggets to impress her fat roommate.
As you were leaving the bar you grabbed a table and when they stopped you, you said "Its cool i came in with this". They did not believe you.
There's just something about a dollar tree pregnancy test that screams THIS WASNT PLANNED!
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
I just want to be able to run around naked and eat grass with no judgments and have people feed me and expect me to sleep all the time.
After last night I think its official. Deep down, we like alcohol more than we like women.
I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
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