Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
did he really ask u insert a warm banna in ur anal?
My balls are so social today.
He called me "the Joe Montana of blowies." Not sure if that is an accomplishment or an insult, but going off of the amount of condensation on the windows of my car, I'm gonna just do a little touchdown dance and pass out.
there were more penises there than on chat roulette
she told me i should dip my dick in chocolate and then let her blow me since it was her 2 favorite things. weird or my new valentine for this year?
Dontating $10 to the Red Cross relief effort in Japan for every car bomb I take tomorrow. Yes, buying me a drink just became a good cause.
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
Hey texans ride hard. He should have known what he was in for when I asked to sit on his face. The broken nose was a BADGE he just earned.
I fell asleep in the tanning bed, naked, for an hour and a half and I guess they couldn't wake me up so they called the fire department...and they came in while I was passed out naked...
We could get her a gift basket of Xanax l
That broad from the bar put her name in my phone as "The girl I'm going to marry in 10 years".
I'm proud of all of us. Somehow we all survived another Jägerbomb Tuesday
Pennsylvania now holds the distinct honor of being the third state I've crapped my pants in.
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