We have to go find her fucking car. She came home from a 80 dollar cab ride, no shoes, and all she remembers is its at a burger king on a street with an H in it
In Denver there are more bars per capita than any other city also the healthiest city. That means lots of drunk girls and no fatties.
He tried to eat me out in the bath... I said it was a bad idea, but he said it was good snorkelling practice for vaca.
So howd u manage to get high at a one year olds birthday anyway?
It was either the harsh truths I was divulging or the liquor..... But either way, I made mom puke
So another one of your girlfriends from middle school had a baby. Thank god you are gay, otherwise you would definitely be a dad by now.
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
You know where a good place to spend summer is? In your head. High as shit. It doesn't matter where you are.
I just pictured ballsacks being shoveled into the furnace of the Titanic.
Your level of morning after guilt is too much right now. Do less.
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
I found myself looking up beard accounts while masturbating, I guess that's what it's come to.
I just threw up in front of a bunch of parents/prospective students while they were on a campus tour..awesome..
He went down on me for like 30 min and honestly half the time I thought about those videos where people can smash watermelons with their legs and I just wanted to do that to his skull
When have you ever know me to go too far?
Besides the alcoholism, the HR issues, and getting fired from Best Buy for tackling a display?
Yeah. Besides those.
Randomize
