Got a little crazy huh? Happy st pattys day. None of you have any idea where my credit card would be do you? How do i always lose
If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them.
Id like to know where dora the explorers parents are when she goes on all these crazy ass adventures
She devotes each year to either men or women. I waited all year for her to be straight, tonights the night.
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
Eating a popsicle in the shower was the best idea I've had in ages.
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
Since Josh is going to be Carl Sagan for Halloween, he bought a turtleneck and sportsman jacket. It's all my nerd fantasies come true.
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
like sometimes I wish I was allergic to latex so I wouldn't have sex with so many people..
hey, cheif big dick, where the fuck are my panties.
I. Am. Not. Tattooing. My. Penis.
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
Randomize
