Every now and then I'll talk to a creeper for an extended amount of time. Randy, for instance, funded our entire night of horrible decisions.
So the girl I hooked up with last night pretended to be from Comcast when my girlfriend stopped by this morning. She even made a fake appointment to check her internet. Best hookup ever.
he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
Can I just say I love that you have a kegorator on your wedding registry?
This juggling 3 dicks is getting exhausting
She sat next to me on the couch and said "word going around is you got a sweet cock". My nickname problem was solved!
Honestly I'm not even that excited to see my boyfriend. I'm more excited to see his penis. His penis inside of me.
You were mean to me and you broke my heart and hurt my feelings. You dont get to talk to me about Peter Dinklage
He dislocated his shoulder trying to finger me last night if that tells you anything
Is Oprah even human
I'd date him. I'd date the fucking shit out of him.
i think it’s okay to see him. you just can’t wind up with his penis in your mouth again
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
Randomize
