So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
gin and tonic in a mug. no limes so im using canned madarin oragnes. classy or trashy?
homeless.
I keep finding coffee grounds in my vagina
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
I think I love you, but I may be biased because we had pirate sex.
the only thing you and i have in common is the we like weed and looking at my naked body.
As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
I'm sorry, you might have to start setting aside some time in your day for my pussy.
You took off all your clothes to try on her fur coat and then punched me when I said you couldn't wear it to bed.
Oh and yeah that does count as public urination.
hi I'm Emily and I thoroughly enjoy getting minors hammered.. I'll start my AA intro just like that.
oh i see... well this is a positive first step in you courting him for sex.
Our fake lesbian relationship is better than her real relationship. Bitch be jealous
Randomize
