you need to know that there is a kid here wearing an i mosh for Jesus shirt
thank you TLC waking up to a water birth on tv really put the cherry on top of my hangover...
That penis you're staring at is the penis of heartbreak. Stay away. It will break your heart AND keep you away from other penises. BACK. OFF. THE PENIS.
He just called me juicy booty via text message.
Please God, is a penis possibly making it to vagina town to much to ask for tonight.
And then you proceeded to sneak behind thee bar and hold up an empty bottle of vodka and scream LOOK WHO THE BARTENDER IS NOW BITCH!
So hung over, I told one of the candidates she's hired if we can turn the lights off and take a nap instead of doing her interview. I feel like she has potential.
They kept barging in on us saying random shit. At one point they came in yelling room service! and threw soda at us bruising my foot. Weirdest injury I have gotten during sex.
I like using largw condoms because they are more comfortable but also I feel bad because it's like false advertisement
I have three different pairs of earrings at three different houses including your 16 year old brothers nightstand. Look at my life. Look at my choices
I just saw a kid on iowa campus story that looked like the guy i made out with on spring break.
I AM GETTING LAID TONIGHT YES HAPPY DAY PRAISE JESUS ALMIGHTY IN HEAVEN DEAR GOD CHRIST YES DADDY YAAASSS
he went down on me while I ate Oreos. I don't know what caused the orgasm.
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
I told him that he could either pay the 10 dollars for the box of condoms or I'll make him pay for the diapers.
Randomize
