i thought she was just hairy. i didn't know she was also a man.
My pussy is not your playground.
i had a dream that i had so much marijuana that i didn't know what to do with it. i woke up and cried.
He wouldn't let me go down on him. He stopped me and told me he was a giver.
You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
I miss eating meals at a table and having unprotected sex..
OH MY GOD DO YOU REMEMBER WISHBONE? DO YOU REMEMBER THAT LITTLE BITCH? WHAT'S THE STORY WISHBONE
Um...celebrating is an understatement. You flashed the guy at the mexican restaurant and then screamed, "It's just my bikini, I swear!"
there's fuck elsewhere to go, I'll be there with 8 lbs of bronzer on my tits
ask me again when I'm sobewr aka tuesday
She asked if i could guess "what shape her carpet was". I got it wrong (christmas tree).
The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
How awkward is it to have the guy you used to sleep with congratulate you on your engagement? I'll tell you. Very.
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