He walked in and put an x made out of tape on the floor. He then announced that he was going to pass out there. Cocky or strategic?
Somebody spraypainted a transformers head on a transformer box..my life is complete
found glitter on my cock. thank you for bringing me to that dance recital.
We need to reprogram your vagina to say "no"
My lower body still feels like its been through a garbage disposal and a trash compactor. In that order.
I'm just saying, I walked in on you blowing a burrito. I now understand how obsessed you are with Taco Bell. And how long it's been since you've got some.
I feel like if he almost got me pregnant once, i can at least say hi in a bar
This has to be the weirdest conversation I've ever had sober and in the middle of the day before.
I don't want to get pregnant doggy style. That's sad.
Some Romanian guy at work just told me "you come my house, we drink beer and you come make fuck with my sister"
If he's not there watching you go for it. It's been a while bro.
Right now I'm laying face down on my carpet in my living room in the darkness sending work emails from my phone.
It's a glamorous life.
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
Despite evidence suggesting otherwise, it turns out max is 100%straight.
Had to claim I'd "gone lesbian" to get my cat back. Thank God I got away from that one.
I'm reading fall out boy fanfic. What has my life come to.
Randomize
