No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
Same, I didn't even get to be tarzan this summer
24 hours later and my vagina is still tingling. That good.
Close. The correct answer is shitting in a public toilet. We also would have accepted the pit of despair.
You should really trust me on this one. "hit it and quit it" might not be the best career move on your part...
Her eyebrows were plucked so thin that she had to have gonorrhea. Clean girls just don't pluck that way
Saxophones in my mind. I swear someone dosed me.
A giant panda just asked me for a cigarette and said "man pandas gotta smoke too." There is something wrong with this place.
ETSY JUST SENT ME AN EMAIL WITH THE SUBJECT "SUMER ROMANCE" I'M BEYOND FUCKING DONE
I'm sure there's been a weekend in 2014 we were sober... Clearly it wasn't fun, bc I can't recall it. Point proven, alcohol is key.
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
i just love the holidays, i hotboxed a gingerbread house last night
He called my vagina his wife... how is that NOT creepy?!
There's a weed, money and oreo filled pinata promised for our party.
i need to get crying drunk at the bar more often. i end up going home with guys who have big penises. its like God is saying "there, there, this will cheer you up".
Randomize
