Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
Ate pizza for the 3rd time today, can't decide if that's disgusting or an amazing aspect of American culture.
I finally won that bet on when the anorexic girl would pass out at the gym. You owe me 10 now
Tuesday night just isn't my ideal coke binge night.
NO. NO LET HIS PENIS TOUCH YOU.
I DON'T CARE LET'S GET DRUNK AND GO. I STRAIGHTENED MY HAIR DO THIS FOR ME.
i wish i had a super power and that that super power was shooting out mdma from my fingertips or something
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
well they never fully had sex so she's like an eskimo step-sister. I'll make a family tree for you.
I honestly don't think it will ever get topped. Unless a real female cop arrests me, then fucks me. That's it.
He made the moves first, we made out...then we folded his laundry.
For a guy who came before his dick was out of his pants, he gave surprisingly good head.
So what if you don't want to be with your family. Go drink alone and watch Netflix like a normal person, don't be productive!
I think I'm just gonna exercise my lungs and fingers. With bong hits and crochet. BECAUSE I AM A REAPONSIBLE ADULT DAMMIT!!
Randomize
