he's the Salvador Dali of pubic shaving
Did you see 7 ppl got hurt at Talladaga?
Did they get their mullets stuck in an engine?
This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
Fuck?...well quicky, i have to study...unless you can read my book while i bang you, then it can last four chapters
I can be that talented
I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
Sorry, can't come over. I have to spend time with my niece. Her Dad ignores her and I don't want her to have male attention issues like you.
Aren't you glad we're at the point in our relationship where I don't even ask why you're hiding in the cabinet?
this lady just pulled corn on the cob out of her purse
People like that make this world a better place.
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
When you wake up, just ignore the mess in the bathroom. I'll take her home when I'm off work.
My roomate has me out looking for easter kegs hidden arround town
My cell phone fell out of my shirt pocket while tying my shoe on an escalator....which was followed by me being accused of trying to sneak an upskirt photo and being violently shoved down the top of the escalator. How's YOUR day?
i just tried to use a string cheese as a light source
The laundromat is nothing like In the pornos
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
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