Consumer Beware: Redhead has herpes.
I was going to clean my house but wine sounded better
You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
just threw up nine times in the shower.. solid night last night.
Well, I woke up with a text message from my cab driver that said "I hope you're alive," so that's a good indicator of how I was acting last night.
he built a boat made of joints. holyyy shit
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
Today is leap day..... If that's not an excuse to blackout all day I don't know what is
Also. I plan to spend time with you at boomers, high, teaching ourselves how to pee standing up.
i was talking to them for like 5 mins and they were like HEY LETS GET A PICTURE and tequila said it was good idea
Nothing worse then being at the gym on the elliptical next to a guy looking at porn on his phone
I just wanna suck his dick on my balcony ya know
Orgasms and cereal.... that's what life's about.
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