If last night was a website it would be called poordecisions.com OR uncircumcisedspanishweiner.org
There are huge fuckin pieces of palm tree in the road. what a road hazard. as i sit here and text you as i swerve to miss them
Somehow I managed to make my Dunkin Donuts uniform look slutty. And I'm not even wearing hoops.
Sitting here wishing there were men in my life.
me too. too bad ive decided to fill that hole with cookie dough, closing the door to future men one fat cell at a time.
My phone really needs to stop auto correcting "library" to "ovary".
You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick".
Have u seen my thong? Last time i saw it was drenched in vodka and on his brothers broken lamp.
Nah but tell him his boxers made it to the basement
Yeah. I had to take off my shirt. It's soaked in weakness.
You know how I know she's ugly? 97% of her profile pics are flowers or animals. And what do we know about pretty people and the Internet?
Also, do you think i could get away with finishing my vodka cranberry from last night at work if i put orange juice in it? Serious question.
some people waaaaait a lifetime for a hookuppp like this some people seeeearch forever for that one special handjobbb
He finally delivered on the dick pic, and Jesus Christ, it was worth the wait.
Did i fall last night when u carried me home.
idk
OHHH yea you fell down the stairs face first
My vagina is the only part of me that is pleased you lived through last night.
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
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