Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
Damn. That makes sense
I know im like the sherlok holmes of sexual problems
I just reenacted what a cuntadactyl would act like by putting straws in my mouth as teeth and roaring, Plz come get me.
I'm not an expert but calling her the "hot lesbian" isn't going to coerce her into a 3some with you
I'm sure I'm not the FIRST newly single girl to table dance at a family restaurant.
whatever buzz i had immediately ended when i saw her run through a sliding glass door
He sent me an email apologizing for sleeping with her...and by that I mean he sent a picture of his dick to my school e-mail
I think he's in need of mouth to penis resuscitation. Which I happen to be certified
Just rinsed and put my styrofoam cup of noodles in the dishwasher. I need to be not hungover ASAP
I feel like when purchasing hard liquor on a Monday I also need to buy a happy 21st bday card to not seem so pathetic
That's the fall semester you first snorted drugs off my ass I think
I think we need to stage an Intervention. Her Instagram is a call for help.
I may or may not have pissed on my floor last night
Welcome to 22
Yo. What's your name again? You put "don't tell your landlord" as your name lol
I'M SO HIGH I FORGOT HOW TO EAT A STRAWBERRY. A FUCKING STRAWBERRY.
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