I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
Make me a promise>>> if you ever see the brats from that tv show NYC Prep walking around, you will trip them, and you wil throw drinks on them
guys i just found a dildo in the laundry room and its purple
whats a dildo? isnt that like a fancy piece of bread?
Jesus people on campus asked me what i do for joy. I said i love sinning especially pre-marital sex.
Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
I found a digiorno pizza in my washing machine.
She got a digital picture frame for her birthday. FINALLY - a place for me to sneak all those penis shots I've taken with my iPhone.
oh awks just saw the head of medical staff who I punched the bottle of wine at
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
He rubbed my back afterwards. I forgot how to talk and I legitimately thought I was a cat for a few minutes.
I decided taking Molly and seeing Birdman seemed like a wise life choice.
Also barcrawl friday. You ARE wearing a tiara
The internet was right. Snorting muscle relaxers is awful
So I figured out why that guy from Tinder stopped messaging me back. He got married.
honestly, you deserve someone taller anyways
Randomize
