I was going to clean my house but wine sounded better
Anyone who says sunshine brings happyness has never woken up with the worst hangover of their life to their window being open and it being a bright shinny day
If you're missing hair this morning, i'm sorry in advance
I was desperate so I downed my birth control with balsamic vinaigrette...
He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...
bad sex. bad bad bad. it was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty pringles can. why do these guys always seem to find me?
Missing both credit cards and just had a flashback of grinding my nuts on the terrified cab driver for amusement. i am feeling a slight hate for myself right now.
Well, I'm at the grocery store wondering whether I exist or not.
Also I just took a shit at a bar so always remember that ANYTHING is possible.
BTW the amount of schmoozing I am doing towards some guy for an ID that may or may not look like you... You better love me.
He also gave me two gold stars for sex. On my nipples.
they wouldnt let me drive the convertible because i was in a bird suit :(
Well I'm sleeping with two of them cause they have nice cars. And the third cause she has a big rack. I'm just really waiting for it all to blow up in my face so I can find a girl I'm actually interested in
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
i'm really sorry, but i'm just not sober enough to make good decisions.
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