# days @ Coachella: 1 people i showed how to break it down: 279
What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
Funniest shit happened at the grocery store. This kid kept asking his mom for candy over and over and she told him 'daddy said no' and he screamed 'he isn't my dad' so loud everyone in the store was silent it was awesome.
I wanna be on tlc
Impossible. You are neither fat, fertile or fashionless.
Why do my balls have what looks like rust on them?
just chugged some gatorade and threw it up. todays gonna be awesome
There is only one good excuse for how sore I am right now. And that is incredibly acrobatic sex. Unfortunately for me that is not my excuse.
You don't understand. He was so ginger that he could make red hair a dominant gene. And I refuse to torture my future spawn like that.
The party went downhill once the fire department had to be called to put out the kitchen fire.
bro, your right, i shouldn't feel embarrassed about taking shots from a penis-shaped ice sculpture
Aren't you proud to know somebody who texts you "manifold facade" while dumping frozen colada mix into a blender of rum
My goal for the weekend: procure a blowjob using only stern glances, hand gestures, and crudely-drawn stick figures.
I'm tired of the topic. I sent him a pic of my vagina to change it.
He? As in you personified your dick?
a guy offered me a piece of pizza if I'd make out with a random girl. We got the whole damn box and I ain't even mad
Randomize
