is that paris hilton dressed up as the guy from star trek who hosts reading rainbow
i think i have two assholes
i dont care if i had to wear a dress to fuck her, she was super hot and i stand by my decision
When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.
I think I need to donate blood to see if I have Hepatitis. Again.
I had a moment while I was smoking where I was looking at these palm trees and I knew how dr Seuss came up with his characters.
Sorry I don't make house calls. You wanna get blown you come over here. It's like rock paper scissors but vagina ALWAYS beats penis
When you mimic motorboating Jennifer Love Hewitt, is it really that hard to understand why no one thinks you're straight?
Yeah man i woke up and only had a Jimmy John's wrapper covering myself..
You just yell-acapella'd the theme to fresh prince of bel air to me while a different song is playing in the bar.
I'm watching porn in spanish. Thats studying right?
I was weirded out when the chunky goth girl and her boyfriend both started eyeing me and wanted to by me a drink.
someone commented on last weekends photos impressed that so many homeless people wanted to take pictures with us. weird that those "homeless people" are our friends... right?
I'm sorry I couldn't bail you out, apparenty they dont take credit cards over the phone. Did you at least make any friends in jail?
He was calculating the number of ceiling tiles when I was on top it was fucking rain man.
Randomize