We don't have a ruler. Come downstairs and lay in the snow with a boner so we can see how much snow we've gotten. Put your 8 inches to a less shameful use.
Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
drunk doesnt even begin to explain it. he said he was going to get playing cards from the lobby and came back 20 minutes later with a full set of sheets.
The Ex's are trying to talk to the GF. Game face bro.
And dont forget my 23rd birthday where with no underwear i crawled through the cage of the police car. Dont get drunk be fore you get drunk.
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
You were on shrooms and "the trees are crazy green!" is all you could manage.
I seriously had to check my phone this morning to make sure I didn't agree to any strange sexual favors.
I had to physically pry the rocks out of your hands so you wouldn't throw them at the guy with the cowboy hat. You probably would've missed anyways.
I walked into Anna's room this morning and she was like teary eyed, with pizza sauce all over the place
She actually purred while I was balls deep in her! I have never been so proud to buy plan b at 6:30 in the morning.
They wouldn't let me on the bull because I couldn't even sign my own name... She let me try 3 times...
Come here I'm naked
And I want mozzarella sticks
Death by dick. An honorable death. Put a picture of his dick in the photo collage at my funeral.
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
Randomize
