we have to go try and show our tits so we can get ID-free drinks at applebees
i refuse to live in a world where loud threesomes in your own apartment are referred to as "rude"
did you yell "are you not entertained?"
Dont judge me. Him and his friends got me drunk for free, the least i could do was suck his dick
you'll be glad to know I got kicked off the microphone at a bar in Breckenridge last night thanks to my country rendition of all star
I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
Well I'm glad to hear the fight wasnt over his small dick.
Am I allowed to say that I would really enjoy blowing you again? Or does that fall into the "nothing changes between us" catagory?
this is your 3rd pregnancy scare in 2 years, I think its time for you to re-evaluate the whole 'im a lesbian' thing
This whole night would have been avoided if the liquor store had air heads
So your contact has been changed to "jizz weave" in my phone. Now, as strange and random as that may be, I'm slightly embarrassed to say that I have more than one contact that fits that description so please identify yourself.
She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
I just had to pick up my "let's drink and make bad choices" hat, my banana suit and beer pong table from work. Until just then I couldn't figure out why I got fired.
Thanks to a bad fart decision during a production meeting, I am now on my way to Target to buy new pants. How is your day?
When the stripper from this weekend is your cashier at Publix the next day 😐💀#pensacolaproblems
YOU'D BE LIKE A MERMAID! I'll bring you coffee filters to cover your tits.
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