I want to punch and suck your dick at the same time. I don't think we have the healthiest of relationships.
I'm promising sexual favors in return for his responsible life decisions. Now THIS is growing up.
There is a full size piano in the middle of our road. Please tell me you had nothing to do with this.
I love shooting for the middle. Those girls never wake up well.
I was paranoid that someone would jizz in my hair while I had the cucumbers over my eyes. Super-High Spa Day didnt work out.
I deserve to be covered in dicks
I was gonna start crying but as he was asking me for my info i saw him eyeing my rack. So I sorta started pushing them together. He asked me to get out of the car he made me turn around so he could check me out and then he said and I quote "okay ma'am. Everything is fine, I'm going to let you off with a warning. Next time if you're not wearing yoga pants you might not be as lucky" I am blessed.
I'll pretend I don't know she's blind, my morals claimed the back seat in this adventure.
Yes, if by 'finishing my business' you mean vomiting in her bathtub and losing my watch.
Please tell me how the stripper got back to Sarah's from the trailer park
He just ranted to some customer about fourth of July being ruined and I just shouted USA the whole time in the background. It was kinda epic
how much do I hate his dog? was just googling to see if you can rent a hungry eagle for the weekend hate.
I'm getting paid to get fucked up. How much better could this get?
Why is everyone giving me a hard time for drinking?!
Your in the library.
woke up, covered in gummy bears, with a note that said "the gummy army won"
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