That ginger could cleveland steamer me and it would still be the best day of my life
just because she blew him doesn't mean she knows his name.
This whole foot fetish thing is getting out of control. He would rather hold my feet than me after we fuck.
I mean it's my life so what if i want to drink Molson from my sparkly shoes and not regret anything
You stumbled in at 10am, half-clothed and still drunk from last night and yelled "well, its not called a walk of pride!", then passed out on the couch.
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
It's twenty thirteen and the rando and I bonded over the fact that we're both stil using flip phones. Of course I fucked him in the bathroom. It was the obvious thing to do.
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
So, just saw a lady hysterically sobbing in a Walmart at 3 AM. Someone's not having a happy mother's day.
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
I'm gonna have to shit in a bar again tonight
At one point she whispered in my ear "I overdrew my bank account today" but besides that it was an awesome lap dance
Pooping with Eye of the Tiger playing. Not a single fuck shall be given.
When the bouncer wouldn't let you back in you screamed "Authority is not given you to deny the return of the king!" and ran past him.
Mike's not allowed to drink vodka anymore. He couldn't get his temporary tattoos (stickers) to stick so he super glued them on.
Randomize