i think ur clone was at the club last week. she slapped some tall girl in the face who tried to steal her spot on the podium. i dont know if ur like her, but she seemd like a ninja badass with superpowers
i've been throwing up a lot lately. my guess is hangover but who knows morning sickness is always an option
he sent me a naked picture of himself. things got awkward really quickly. but on a positive note he shaved his chest
My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
she's laying in my bed with an ice pack on her vagina. how do you think it went?
She started ignoring us once we told her we were out to celebrate your abortion. Who knew strippers could be judgemental?
He needs to seriously stop texting me at 3am for sex. Late night and early morning hours are for the guys who DON'T bust a nut in the first 5 minutes of making out.
Yeah minute men are best for late afternoons when you're inbetween running errands and have nothing to do.
BTW rolling him off the couch and onto that tarp was pure genius. He definitely pissed himself last night.
I want to get "Patrick Kane" wasted tonight
I am one hundred percent down for that
In an unrelated matter, im gonna eat you out so much later.
When he's drowning in your chest and he muffles out the words 'I just want to live here' that's a compliment right?
I hate when I wake up and find my vibrator next to me. Such a waste of an orgasm...getting myself off in my sleep and not remembering
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
I would just like to say that I was the one who said that we should find scissors, when they were cutting your hair with a kitchen knife. I am responsible.
I still feel bad for it, even though I technically only videotaped it and helped will to distract the questioning neighbor
You sent me a pic of you peeing in two separate directions
and like half a dozen dick pics
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