she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him.
I just saw a homeless man with a cat on a leash. reminded me of you.
and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
I turn the corner to find her walking in the front door in a tee-shirt, two different shoes and no pants. All she said to me was "I'm sad"
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
I also was calling every child by their name "Birthcontrol" - straight people are fun
How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
I haven't been this unsober in a long time. I feel like I am observing myself. Like I am a test subject for alcohol. I wish my brain would shut up and let me be a normal drunk.
he'll always be the guy that i fucked on the bathroom floor
Went to take a shower. Brought my wine, forgot my towel.
Said he wanted to wear me as a loincloth. Not sure if sexual or predatory
Lmao a dude who just got out of prison said im worth 10 cigarettes in prison...I think that's a compliment
As a member of the kink community, I feel grossly misrepresented
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