I just found a frying pan...in my bed.
chipotle is closed for thanksgiving... I am officially thankful for NOTHING.
Well i then put my mattress in my closet and am currently on it. This is a new one.
I just realized I use Twitter to keep of track of when I get drunk.
he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
Some guy is walking around the bar with his dick out. Health code violation?
for the record, graham crackers won't get the taste of cock out of your mouth. also we're out of graham crackers
Almost propositioned sex in exchange for a study guide for my final tomorrow.
Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.
That's practically a relationship for you
The bong is packed and it's taco Tuesday come over
I dont know how I should feel about you making a 37 year old come visit you and then making him do the walk of shame from your dorm room...through campus
I think the biggest problem with being overhigh is when the kitchen was on fire and I was pointing and laughing and eating rootbeer oreos like it was fucking Ozzfest 2000
There is resin on and IN the refrigerator. Its even on the food. My god, what happens to you?
Well we can add this to the list of 'where the hell did that bruise come from?'
you were huddled over the toilet, throwing up, and every few seconds you'd look up and say "this is such a waste of vodka" then put your head back down and start puking again
Randomize
