I'm so never shaving my vag in a target bathroom for him again.
I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
you made me watch la bamba, and then you yelled at me for disrespecting your mexican heritage.
My dinner guests were so drunk they never realized that I inadvertantly put Frosted Mini Wheats on the salad instead of crutons.
I'm buying you potatoes, the least you could do is not ask any fucking questions and just say thank you.
I was just crying my tits off and he was just sitting there listening. I was an open book of embarrassing life stories.
Wine is not your friend.
The milf did the body paint, come to the bar
he made a bon jovi sex playlist and started crying when "i'll be there" came on... how was your night?
He showed up at my house, drunk, proclaiming that he needed to fuck me...my dad let him in
all a girl really needs is a few good pair of leggings and a drug dealer that delivers.
Best part of leaving the university? Interns are as hot as my former students, not legally off limits, and they will do anything for a full time job.
WHY DID YOU NOT OFFER TO LET HIM STAY
Dude, it's like you want him inside me more than i do
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
i just watched a 27 minute video about owls...that high.
honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself
Randomize
