Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
you wouldnt answer to anything but devil's advocate all night.
i just walked into thanksgiving and three people in a row asked me who i was. really?
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
Last night we looked at each other with an expression of "fuck I am so done being normal", took off our shirts, and danced around in our bras
I traded the garbage men the rest of my handle for a ride home. Best. Walk. Of. Shame. Ever.
I have already decided that it happened in an alternate universe since both of the people involved don't remember it and we only have the word of a sober person that it happened at all
Sorry bro I thought you were kidding. If I'm actually jerking off I usually said "Just a sec getting dressed" or something
Look,the guy had sex w/a Canadian prison guard on the deck of a cruise ship,he could blow any second.
My cardio is walking around the office looking for free food.
dave might be using McDoubles to pay for dances
he has gotten at least 7 lap dances out back
I never imagine I'd say this, but can I ask Jeff for the butt plugs back even though it was a gift and we broke up?
Heard flapping noises behind me. It was my roommate flapping her bathrobe like wings, saying "I'm a faaaiiiiry."
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
Randomize
