I woke up with the wrong plaid-shirted guy in my bed.
And then he used the flashlight app to illuminate me giving him head. Thanks IPhone
Did you just buzz the apartment and throw shit at the window? Josh and rob came into my room and woke me up
Fuck you Ian. U owe me $3.65 cuz thasts what I thfrew at ur window trying to wake ur ass up. And fuck u for not giving a shit
Even the bar was yelling boobs, so of course the shirt came off
Just took 4 secret shots in his bathroom to not remember him naked.
Just walked into the bar to find a guy in a Boba Fett helmet leaning casually against the wall, texting. This night just got real.
We're looking for the removeable roof from her Miata. Winner gets a 40.
He drunkenly stumbled over to me and told me my "crotch looks spectacular tonight"..... i think this could work
How do you get kicked out of 3 different Subways in one night..
Not very gracefully, that's how.
I feel like a sex bomb and I need to go explode on somebody
WHY IS THERE A FUCKING DILDO IN PLACE OF MY GEAR SHIFTER IN MY CAR?
quickly learned not to sleep with your roommate and work colleague in the same week
Tell me why i have 60 matches in 72 hours on tinder. Can i sell my tinder account like people used to sell their myspace pages and tumblrs when they had a lot of followers? Is that a thing?
If he comes over I probably get to fuck him and if he doesn't I don't have to pay him the $60 I owe him for weed. It's a win-win situation.
I party with great urgency now.
Randomize
