never let anyone you met on skype borrow your car. lesson learned.
You even been so high breaking up weed with your fingers feels like surgery?
i told the doctor i drank a college amount of alcohol. judgemental prick
You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
I woke up with like grass burns all over my body, i'm pretty sure i made out with someone under a bus. . . but i'm not sure
I'm by the dj to the left. Come get me now this girl is talking about baby names and I dnt even no hers
I can't see you
I'm the only one that's wearing a tarzan outfit get your ass over here you douche
How was the rest of your night?
A little fuzzy and a lot naked.
I'm starting to think you fell asleep on your kitchen floor pantless with salsa spilt around you
He's going to be my graduation present to myself.
We should drive around in your Jeep on snow days and get stoned while we help random strangers stuck in the snow. So much good karma.
oh my god I have a fantastic druncle story to tell you. It involves a burrito, a meltdown and a bear
The burrito and meltdown are standard, but I'm intrigued by the bear
Yeah well you try taking nice pictures while you have pizza crust lodged in your throat
My skirt was too short for the church and I brought my flask to the Scrooge play. God bless us, everyone!
i'm gonna crowd surf you onto his dick
He played me Kanye.. Speaking my love language.. He got a well deserved BJ
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