all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
giving yourself 2 days to recover i see
I'll need it. Largely because i'm going to be stumbling through fancy restaurants with a bottle of whiskey insulting couples all night.
easter eggs filled with ecstasy. it's what jesus would do.
now you know why we've never bought a 12 pack of king cobras before.
you got me arrested i just think that goes without question you owe me a blowjob
she tried to deny peeing on the floor last night. she said she wouldn't make it to the bathroom only to pee on the floor
oh but she would
I'm sorry for gagging during our first time having sex
I was drunk
Please answer
I'm FaceTiming Pizza Hut.
Walked into a bathroom stall to pop an addy for my three back-to-back finals today. Felt like Clark Kent walking into a phonebooth.
for some reason leaving your socks onmakes it less meaningful.
He got up after sex and said "is it wrong if I say happy Mother's Day?"
can we not speak foreign languages when I'm on drugs
Been using bowl smoking as a method of time for so long I don't know how long it actually takes to get to work
Learned two new lessons today: 1) Do not identify pills found in one's car by taking them to see what happens, especially while at work, and 2) There is no logical reason to keep ambien in one's vehicle...
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