what happens if a cat eats a birth control pill? i mean i don't care about the cat i really just don't want to get pregnant
I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
Just watched a guy fight a garbage can then pee on it, screaming "I told you to listen to me the first time!!" San Francisco, I've missed you.
Wednesday. Otherwise known, to you at least, as "there are two gay men in my bed" day.
Okay I woke up in my room, snuggie on, had a water bottle in my hand my tv was on Disney channel and my cigarettes are gone. And I deleted every text in my phone but one that said 'you are absolutely welcome'
Nothing like a marijuana chart of usage in each country to make me understand math.
Heard puking from next door. Looks like the third floor won't be any different than the second.
Yep. It's going to be us, strippers, and drag queens.
A glittery, gay, heavily makeuped, scantily dressed clusterfuck.
When you were bringing him upstairs I told him to bring you on down to pound town. you're welcome.
BTW, does Anne know that we used the lipstick she is currently wearing to was used to write the word "ASS" on my ass cheeks last night?
I feel like the dump I just dropped is the most successful thing I've done so far today.
And with the bitter taste of failure in my mouth, i am off to pub to drown it in tequila and 19 year olds, so in the morning i can add pregnancy and stds to my list of problems.
Randomize
