were you the shorter or taller girl out of you two
I wish I could google chicago male strippers on my work computer but I don't feel like talking to HR today
Now I'll never know if Megan finds a millionaire.
i'm drinking with a bunch of phds, i feel very stupid but good about my drinking abilities
you do realize eating doritos and gatorade as a breakfast hangover cure is only acceptable for one more month - then we have to grow up
advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
there is a strobe light in my taxi. in what way is this safe.
My lips are red and swollen. Solid proof that giving head is a viable alternative to lipstick and plumper.
True. I'd rather snort cocaine off a homeless guy then work on the weekend...Actually that may not be that bad.
If you want me to retract my crazy cat lady comments pictures of yourself dressed as a cat are not the way to do it.
Her craziness is the sexiest thing about her.
I can't wait to read your obituary.
Who put the fucking tampon in my Mike's hard lemonade?
Also that boy who jizzed in me wearing Cowboy boots and a plaid shirt snapped me at 4 am and said "I owe you a dinner. Sorry"
So I slept with some guy last night and when I woke up in the am couldnt remember his name. I text him n asked "How do you spell your name?" to try n find out and all he replied was "With an A." WTF!?
In a meeting I sneezed and my tooth hit the floor. I don't think anyone noticed. I would still like to die now.
Randomize
