:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
You love me.
That's because, tragically, I adore whores.
I just taped a plastic bag to my ceiling for the next time I have to throw up on the top bunk. Why am I so good at college?
he's got a countert top full of yard sale blenders so id say maragita wednesdays is a go.
I'm watching i used to be fat. I've been doing crunches for the last half hour yelling at the slut on tv to stop crying and do crunches.
I came so hard just now that I think I may have regenerated.
YOU STOLE THE WEDDING CAKE?!?!
Only one tier
Tastes like cardboard anyway
I have 39 hot sauces from Chipotle
It's like earning obesity badges
I woke up with $140 in twenties in my bra and have never been more puzzled.
So after I fell off 4 times we concluded I'm not allowed to ride him anymore.
I sent my boyfriend to the bar so I could go out tonight and actually get laid..
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
According to Joseph, last night I crawled into bed and told him to pretend I'm his French maid, and then started speaking with a German accent, and referring to his manbits as "ze greatest Weiner schnitzel I'd ever seen". Basically, last night was a roaring success.
OMFG I JUST SEARCHED DILDO ON THE WORK SHARED AMAZON ACCOUNT!!!!!
does anyone know where bryan is?
last i saw he was naked, and crying in the bathroom because there was no more booze.
Randomize
