just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
I have a feeling that watching gay porn with you was the reason I was dancing in a hurricane of floating dicks in my dream last night.
Bank of America: Available balance is $546.25 on 03/04/2011 for account 8428. Go online for details. TextSTOPtoStop/TextHELPforHelp
i loe djcudia fjxos rue.
I dont even remember coming home... All my stuff is strewn randomly around my apartment... And I woke up at 5 sitting propped up in my bed with just my arm in a shirt
Oh you have a half-brother? Why that's right up my alley! Let's cause family strife
Tearing families apart since 2011.
I just stuck my fingers down her throat so she could puke. I mean what are friends for
Oh my god she just threw up on her dog
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
Having a midget officiate your wedding because you think it'd be hilarious: good idea or potential lawsuit?
Just saw a dude dressed as captain america driving down the highway. He saluted me.
I mean there are things broken right and left, I woke up surrounded by dog statues, and we had a vodka bubble bath.
We have a nice shopping list..vibrators and roller blades
Priorities
I apologize in advance for the amount of cleavage I'll be exposing your boyfriend to.
The cops asked Ben if he was drunk and he slurred "I'm man enough to admit that I am" with a southern draw
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