Facials are how you say "I love you" in porn star.
I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
he found my favorite bra, 3 thongs and a pair of jeans and gave them back. i love move out day.
guy at the corner shop gets out a bottle of tequilla and a pack of malboro light whenever he sees me through the door. makes me feel loved and cared for
he just kept saying "come on iron man, you can do this!" to himself the whole time..
of all places to pass out....why right in front of our RA's door? OF ALL PLACES.
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
You poured your drink on yourself and then said "it's not a party until I'm wet"
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
Had to crawl to the kitchen this morning cuz I was too hung over but really wanted fruity pebbles. yes. I ate fruity pebbles on the kitchen floor.
Made a holiday JibJab of all my fucks. How's your night?
There was just a girl standing next to me on the train, wasted, wearing only one shoe. I so wanted to pat her on the shoulder and say "oh honey, we've all been there"
You know how I know last night was a good night? Because I remember high fiving a couple WHILE they were having sex.
I think if I send him enough nudes, he will buy my plane ticket.
Some nights you do cocaine till 5:00 in the morning, and the next night you teach yourself how to crochet. It’s called balance.
Randomize
