YEA!!! I'll throw you a non-baby shower.
Dude, Her having kids just means she puts out.
My family just legit passed around a fifth of Maker's Mark. Also, this is sort of a Thanksgiving tradition. Also, Maker's Mark is really good.
I mean, we started to hook up but my asthma attack kind of killed the mood
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
He showed up 3 hours late wearing roller skates and acted like nothing was wrong with that.
Just warning you now f you do not get intoxicated with me in front of the family on thanksgiving we are not related.
on my way to nyc to take a survey about my sexual activity. if you dont hear from me for a few days, assume they had me committed...
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
My chest smells like french fries. Get at me attractive men.
Apparently that big girl from last night tried to take me upstairs when I was blacked out and all I did was grab Qs arm and whisper 'don't let her take me'
How many times have we said we'd stop taking Jell-O shots with strangers?
I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"
I'm just going to ride dicks all the way to the to the gates of hell
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
Randomize
