Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
i wish i could shrink down to the size of his dick so i could just thank it in person.
You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
We need to talk about the sailor moon porn. Do what you want in your room, but I don't want to come home to you cranking it on the couch to that.
Apparently after I threw up I put my socks in the toilet......
He doesn't drink liquor so instead of doing a body shot off my belly button he dropped water in there and sipped it out with a straw. Look at my face: =|
It was going great until he started saying "ooh kill em" under his breath with each thrust
I ate a hotdog off the ground last night.
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
Just witnessed some guy throw his fake eye at his dad's face. Actually, he whipped it at him.
My v day was great. There's a cum stain in the shape of a handprint on my sheets
YOUR VAGINA IS SO CUTE IT'S LIKE A LITTLE MACAROON
It's just not St. Patrick's Day until someone pukes on your panties.
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