He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
At what number of girls whose last names are stored in your phone book as drinking establishments does it become excessive?
I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
Did i throw a brick at someone last night?
Chipotle chips and wine for breakfast. Its def game day
His fridge was full of blocks of pepperjack cheese, and his pantry was stocked with huge jars of jellybeans. Even if I'd been drunk, I don't think I could've made that up.
she puked as i came inside her. that has to mean something.
Everyone threw up but him. I took off my shirt because I puked on it. There were also a lot of drag queens involved.
Tomorrow, if I don't look at least 5% better than I do on a regular day to day basis, I want you to hit me and tell me that no one will ever love me if I continue to look like I just rolled out of a cocaine induced hibernation. I'm asking you for tough love.
Kid got laid mid-party wearin a fuzzy hat with ears and 40's taped to his bear paws... wtf
Ok let me just clear up this blowjob thing first so we can talk about your grandpa
My nose was gushing blood and he just kept screaming "she took it like a champ" to everyone there. Plus side though, bartender felt bad for me and gave me a free drink.
I NEED TO TAKE A FUCKING BREAK. MY VAGINA IS SMOKING.
you're welcome to come here, except my beds from ikea so it's more unstable than i am
I responded like every reasonable adult would. With a gif
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