my fingers and penis are no longer on speaking terms. My penis is too jealous of where my fingers get to go.
when life gives you lemons, puke and rally.
Hey history final, how's it feel to be raped in the ass by my steel cock of ACADEMIC PERFECTION?
you are way too vulgar to be a girl
we should look into getting a golf cart for the weekend. i have a feeling legs wont be a sufficient source of transportation.
Bring your friend that fell asleep in the bathroom for my friend.
If this party got busted it would be an improvement
This holiday season is going to be rough between people coming home for the holidays and the already regulars on my list I might have to clone my vagina to make sure I get everyone for all they are worth
Denial and avoidance are my survival strategies for 2013.
Denial, avoidance and beer.
i fell out of the car and didnt spill my drink. come overrrr
truly a win in your book
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
We were supposed fuck one time, but ended up fucking for 2 years.
Wait an hour then go and untie him. Bring toilet paper and some spare underwear. Want anything from Starbucks?
Good for you, kid with a beer in hand as you walk to your 11 am class.
I thought this was a dry campus.
That means you have to bring your own beer from home.
wait i saw you last night?
we found you ass naked on the couch covered in pillows.
Why are you hurting?
Tried to drink all the beer in Nashville last night....failed.
Randomize