1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
Found moms dildo in drawer while looking for socks, and its wet
angela screamed across the room SHES A CHAMP when i told the pharmacist plan b doesnt make me throw up
once the "do it" chant starts, any shot at an even remotely dignified party experience is dead.
She fell asleep on the sidewalk and people starting using her as a hurdle
handjobs have no place on a baseball diamond
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
How bad is it I'm looking at his cock while waiting to see my therapist?
Dude. There are selfies on my phone of me, wide-eyed, sucking my pillow. We did NOT split that bag 50/50.
I mean I want to go somewhere. I just don't want to put on pants or behave.
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
Also...I'm semi-dating the drug dealer that took me to bible study
I took multi-tasking to a new level. I just ate a plate of nachos off my lap while driving to the bar. And I barely got any on me.
Lmao a dude who just got out of prison said im worth 10 cigarettes in prison...I think that's a compliment
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