A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
Is it sad that I'm on the stopduiaz.com website and there is a cute boy but it will never work between us because hes in jail for 17.5 years?
Um.. is it mean if I say yes?
How would my first penpal letter even go? "Hey saw you on stopduiaz.com, sucks you killed that motorcyclist. Whats your favorite thing to do on the weekend?"
Hands down the best time I've ever had barfing.
if I want to go home with a foreign boy, please feel free to let me go, sober me gives you permission to let drunken me do it
If i need to get strippers involved i will.
Just finished putting caution tape around the tv. Sober me needs to prepare.
The condition was that I had to eat her out to Beethoven
Because 9 pm Thursday you drink a loco cause you just wanna get drunk and have a good time with your friends. Then you wake up on Tuesday and you've had 17 locos and you're pregnant, lying on the side of the road, 3 states over. THAT'S why we don't have only locos parties.
I can't believe you guys got into a sword fight over a chicken nugget
Oh, so that's where all the scratches came from...
Why was I lying under a truck last night?
I honestly don't understand how your night went from singing a touching rendition of Africa to an angry political rant to low key trying to find a frat boy to bang to doing dishes to yoga
fuck you
also please return my underwear, they were one of my favourite pairs xo
woke up this morning to a baggy full of adderall and two redbulls..i'm gonna marry this guy one day
How early is too early to start day drinking? Asking for a friend
About five minutes ago. You’re good now.
How did the test come back?
I've never been so happy to have a yeast infection. And i got a free pack of birth control
Randomize
