Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
I told him I wanted to have sex to "halleluiah", he suggested the poke-rap.
he yelled at me for calling the fat girl fat. if I can't call out fat girls to my brother who do i have?
Its time to go balls to the wall to get any good D during these last few weeks of college.
why didn't you tell me his penis tasted like oreos?
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
I'm just sad for you. It sucks that the 17 douchebag asshole guys you're fucking can't morph into one nice, normal, non-alcoholic guy that has a drivers license and no criminal history.
I can't believe I had to sit there pretending to play Halo with a condom on for 20 Minutes because your brother barged in to tell a story.
HIV testing and a light brunch. Sounds like a great way to spend Christmas Eve.
Maybe you'll have a Christmas miracle
I'm surprised, it's been so long you must be starving
At a certain point, the zombie-like hunger goes away. Then the sadness sets in. Then you start lying to yourself that you're taking some "me time." Then you remember you dodged chlamydia and Buddha knows what else. Then you're at peace with it.
Lets just say...I plan on being a bigger shitshow than Miley Cyrus at the VMA'S
It's two in the afternoon, I'm on my third glass of wine and I'm watching Lambchop on youtube. How do you think I feel right now?
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
still can't believe dude took a personal call while he was balls deep in my mouth.
I'm at home 4 xanax deep watching She's all that.. no I don't want to go out. The couch is eating me.
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