I am good. I dancing. Drinking but dancing fine.
How do you wash franks red hot sauce, whip cream, grapejuice and shame out of silk?
I would just throw it away. You cant just wash out shame, it has to soak for like a month.
i may or may not be dressed up as my farmville farmer. gonna harvest some ladiesss tonight!!!
Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again.
Pretty sure I blacked out the last 48 hours, the last thing I remember is the 4 pm bar crawl on Thurs
Can you believe they're going to let me be a doctor?
By midnight I was dipping doritos in frosting...that's how my simmer break diet is going.
well he is only 50 percent black.. but after last night i am 100 percent not going back
"I vaguely remember the Health and Safety Inspector walking into my room this morning while I was passed out naked. That's one way to get it over with quickly."
it was like a shit fog rolling out of the east to encompass me and have it's way with me
I thought you wanted to talk?
What part of "Lets have angry sex" means I want to talk?
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
He sent me a blank text message. That's a booty call waiting to happen
Do you know how hard it is to put a bandaid on a vagina?
So it's my mom's birthday and I wanted to be super cheap and just walk up to her and say "I got you the greatest gift ever, mom! I'm actually sober right now!".
I can't believe I'm going to buy bitcoin to pay for erection pills
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