i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
One of my students just told me turtles are lazy and need to get a job. Fuck yes, my job here is done.
Just did lines off a tackle box. Love Montana.
about to tell this girl that sh'es my teenage dream. you have 15.358s to stop me.
No big deal, we were just two friends having sex. It's perfectly normal we don't remember. Water under the sex bridge,
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
Homeboy was juggling while taking bong rips. Of course he got laid.
I'm just saying. If this how my magic vagina shows it's magic then I don't want any
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
it still weirds me out that Robin Thicke is Alan Thicke's son
I just realized I haven't got laid since the last time the Browns won.
Why the fuck is there raw bacon in my bra. I don't even have a stove.
The vodka gummy bears are so strong. If I die of alcohol poisoning, please tell my dad it was single malt scotch.
Randomize
