I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
White Russians with skim milk. Fuck I'm healthy.
Apparently I was trying to convince him Springsteen has had buttsex. I ended the argument with "I bet he came from it too."
she looks like she scalped a horse for her weave
you cant just puke in an arbys and not order food. thatd be rude.
2011 senior yearbook drinking game. we're taking a shot whenever some dumbass uses that quote about how life isn't isn't about the breaths you take, but the moments that take your breath away. also that retarded wayne gretzky one about missing shots you don't take.
Remember when I referred to my box of wine as my briefcase and made all of those stupid jokes about working overtime? Thanks for ignoring my cry for help.
I took in his dog. My exboyfriend still calls me for 2 things, blow jobs and animal rescue. I need to end this cycle
Dave used his AAA card to get my car towed to my house so I could get drunk. Evil genius.
Good morning sunshine. Care to hear the riveting tale of Michelle and the Almost Great Night That Ended In An Early Morning of Karma Emptying It's Bowels On Her Guilty Shoulders?
Like I could never be a lawyer because I would just look like a porn star impersonation of a lawyer.
i also remember watching someone vomit off a balcony which was kind of grim
Only in the emergency room do they shut the door when youre laughing too hard
So I "accidentally" brought my road beers into church for this wedding
And they fell out of my pocket on the pew. Made quite a noise...safe to say I'm batting a thousand
Thinking and hoping ice cream is the answer to my problems
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